I was walking home last night around 10:30pm. I was trying to make it home quickly so I was doing my speed walking thing and I had to pass two males, one older and one younger. As I was trying to walk past them, the older male started walking almost into me so that I had to make a real effort to get around him. I thought it was kind of strange and I couldn't tell if he was being aggressive or just not really noticing that I was there, although that did seem a bit odd. I felt my heartbeat quicken and I walked faster. As I was walking away, I heard the younger man say to the older man, "What were you trying to do? You could tell she was trying to get by and you weren't letting her. What the fuck were you doing?".
He was clearly outraged by his friend's behavior and I was instantly relieved to hear someone calling him out on his actions. I felt too threatened in that situation to say anything and had to keep walking. It reminded me of how vulnerable I really am, no matter how empowered I sometimes feel.
I had seen Judith Butler speak last year and she mentioned how second wavers were all about doing self defense classes and learning how to protect themselves from men. This attitude has changed a lot and the focus has shifted from victim to power.
I was thinking about this for the rest of the walk home and I couldn't decide if the attitude had changed but the conditions had not, and we were fooling ourselves into thinking we could be powerful without concerning ourselves with being victims. Of course, on the other hand, I refuse to live in a state of paranoia and will still walk where ever the fuck I want to walk. Were second wavers right in their promotion of the victimization of women, were third wavers wrong in their dismissal of it, or is there some middle ground between protection and power? What do you think?
SUPER heartened to hear about dudes calling out dudes on fuckwad behaviour. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is really interesting and thank you for sharing your experience. I too walk at odd hours alone -- actually at 4:45 am to work, which can be pretty eerie. But I live downtown, in the westend and actually feel quite safe and that I could handle myself quite well...in fact, I am more frightened by the racoons and skunks!
ReplyDeleteBut I have been in a threatening situation, which made me realize as much as you feel that you can protect yourself, possible victimization cannot be completely dismissed. I was travelling in China...and at the time in a southern city called Lijiang – I was there for a couple of days and felt comfortable with my surroundings. I decided to travel a little north, to do a hike and stay overnight (which was actually on a side of the mountain...it was pretty amazing!). I had met some people to do the hike with, but I was by myself and after the hike, I took a bus back to Lijiang, arriving at the bus station about 9:30/10:00 at night. As I had said, I was familiar with the city, so I knew where to direct the taxi driver to the location of my hostel. We were driving in the right direction, but as we were coming to where he needed to stop (I was staying in the "old" part of the city where cars cannot drive into), he wouldn't pull over. I kept saying here, please stop here, and he responded, while shaking his hand saying "no", "no". He wasn't driving very fast at all, but even as we passed through a pedestrian crosswalk, he did not stop, and the attendant started hitting her flag on the windshield of the car. I knew this was not right and that it was very possible he was trying to take me somewhere and frankly do who knows what. I had to get out of the car and as he had to slow down for something ahead, I opened the door and thank goodness he came to a stop, in which I ran back to my hostel as fast as I could. It was one of those situations where you need to trust your instincts (even if you are wrong) and get yourself to where you feel safe. I have backpacked several countries by myself and have always been conscious of being aware of my surroundings and not getting myself into scary situations. But it goes to show that it is possible that anything can happen and that your safety can very possibly be threatened.
So I believe there has to be some middle ground between protection and power -- it's so important to feel that you have ability to protect yourself, but at the same time know that you could be put into unsafe situations, that are often beyond your control.